Festivalz Over...

27 October, this date has brought hurricane of all the buried memories. It was difficult not to remember the day when my relationship started. These 14 years with him has given me the lessons for lifetime. 

School education of 12 years was not able to give me these learnings but this failed relationship taught me a lot and changed me for life. I used to think that life is a fairy tail, money is secondary and true love can change anyone but No, life is not a cake walk, its tough and unfair sometimes. Money is important because your financial freedom gives you freedom to live your life. If you are dependendent on any one, they will own your life choices. I learned that your love should be given to someone deserving only. I learned that you can love someone but you can not own them, their life and their life choices will be theirs only. You can only give love, rest is on the other person that what they are going to do with it. So better fall in love with someone who has a right way of living life. 

I think I have done Ph.D. in love and relationship. Your failure teaches you a lot. Its pretty much clear that I have a different fate from what I expected when I was in my 20s. 

Happy Married Life, Motherhood, dependency on husband, these are not for me. 

But 

Yes, if not these, God has given me other blessings. So now I actually don’t feel bad about it. 

I am going to be successful in career, will have a life of my own choices. I want to travel a lot. 

Life is all about creating memories. If I look back I dont remember any good memories with him. But I do remember the pain. Pain changes you and whatever I have today I will create  life of my dreams with that only. No regrets now. 

It was all destined, I accepted that. I wish him luck for his future. He lost a woman who was ready to fight the world for him and I lost a man who was only fighting with me, draining me and exhausting me. We were in love initially but later it became an obsession for me and and obligation for him. We were not right companions for each other. I feel we both are equally responsible for all that happened. Unrealistic expectations and ignoring red flags is a big reason for my fall. 

I feel gratitude that I got second chance in life to live. I am free from emotional slavery. I can sleep peacefully. Leaving someone is another thing but getting freedom from emotions related to them is another struggle, I have come very far. I am happy that I don’t feel anything for him. No hate, no love. 

I hope and pray that our karmic balance is settled now. 

Life is not fair with anyone, everyone is facing some or other problem so I dont pity on me now.

I have family, education and my blessing with me.

It was a day well spend with family with some emotional drama, which is offcourse a part and parcel of such a big family. Everybody loves me so much and always ready to bear my tantrums. 

This is fact that parents love us a lot but I feel they still not understand their children. But no complains its normal in every family. What matters is that they are with us when ever we need them. 

Talking about what good I have done today, answer is nothing. Nothing on which I can be proud. 

I must have more patience for my parents, its not good at our part that we are ready to entertain useless people in life on the name of proffessional constraints but we dont show the patience required for our parents. I am disappointed in me  for this. I will rectify it.

In life we have so many expectations from others but we never pay attention on fulfiling the expectations that we have from ourself. If we can not act as per our own expectations then how we can expect it from others. 

I have some hopes from me and I need to work for that. Daily planning is important. I will make daily To do list and see if I am being focused or not. If I can work day and night for an institution then I can surly work for myself with best of my efforts. Enough contemplation I did now from tomorrow days will be about actions. MY BIGGEST FLAW IS MAINTAINING CONSISTENCY IN GOOD HABITS, IT IS GOING TO CHANGE NOW.

ITS PREPARATION TIME!

I need to start making goals for the day. Tomorrow's plan is to visit dentist. 

Study for interview. 

Some sort of physical exercise.  

Will make a mind map tomorrow. Festivals are over and now its the time to get ready for the mission. 

Yes I am blessed!

Setting goals and acheiving them is the driving force of my life.

I am not going to give up on myself. I will get what I deserve. Now I am going to give myself TOUGH LOVE.

It’s a new inning and I am certainly going to win it.

Wish me luck!

. .... ...